Tell the truth, shame the devil. Tell the truth, shame the devil. Tell the truth, shame the devil. Those are the words I kept telling myself in my head as I cried out to God in my bathtub. I couldn't believe what I had just done. The shame, guilt, and embarrassment was killing in me inside. How could I do it? How could I let God down?
When I was six years old I was molested by a family member. That one act of sin led me to become sexual promiscuous at a young age. By the age of ten, I was watching porn and masturbating. I lost my virginity at 15. That one family member's sick perverted act transferred a spirt of sexual perversion into me. His demons became my demons. Yes, beloved, sexually transmitted demons are real and they are lot harder to get rid of by than a sexually transmitted disease. Unlike a sexually transmitted disease, sexual transmitted demons are not incurable. You can be totally set free and delivered from them through Jesus Christ. But it's a process. A quick binding and loosing them won't do.
While I have been celibate for almost three years now, November 17th will make it officially three, I still struggle with my addiction to masturbation and pornography. The Holy Spirit convicted me years ago of these secret sins and I sought God for help. I went two and half years without doing either of the two and then the sexual urges struck me out of no where and I did it. Disgusted by my own sinful acts, I decided to take a bath. I felt dirty internally and externally. As I got in the tub, the feelings of shame and guilt overwhelmed me. I threw up. I cried. I screamed. Finally, I just said Lord, help me and began repenting over and over again.
I knew how detrimental my addiction was. At one point of my life, I would masturbate and watch porn every day. I even bought sex toys. I couldn't help myself. Even back then, I felt ashamed, but I wasn't close to God as I am now. I didn't have a personal relationship with Him. I knew I needed help, but nobody knew I was doing it. It was my secret addiction, secret sin. So I thought. But eventually people start finding out, but even that didn't stop. What finally made me seek help was my love for God and the unbearable guilt I felt and carried each time I did it. The closer I became to God, the more I disgusted I became by it.
My first step of getting help was admitting I had an addiction. Finally,I told my spiritual mentor and he prayed for me. He said in order for me to be delivered from the addiction, I had to discover my root. So he prayed and fasted with me and we discovered the root of my addiction was my molestation. My molestation opened up a demonic door for generational spirits of sexual perversion to enter my life, the spirit of sIncubus and Succubus (Spirit Husbands and Spirit Wives). Here is a definition of these spirits from a book I have:
Deliverance and Spiritual Warfare Manual Book by John Eckhardt