Why do I keep choosing the wrong relationships?
Lord, why I am going through this… AGAIN?!
Why do I always have problems at my job?
I could go on and on, but you get the picture! Many of you keeping going through the same cycles of issues because you haven’t figured out the root or as I like to call it “the real problem”. Until you acknowledge, accept, and address the real problem, you will keep going through the cycle. My cycle use to be attracting and dating emotional unavailable men. For the past three years every man I dated was emotional unavailable or "not ready" for a relationship.
Naturally, after the demise of each of those relationships I blamed the men. It was always their fault why the relationship did work out. They were the problem. But can I tell you a painful truth. The men I dated were not the problem. I was the problem. I kept attracting and dating emotional unavailable men because I was emotional unavailable. I hadn't healed from the pain of my last relationship. Therefore, I dated men and never pressed the issue of commitment. It's not that I didn't want a commitment from them, I was just too afraid to ask for one. Honestly, I was just afraid of being in a relationship again-period.
It took a lot of courage for me to admit that I was the problem in those relationships. Now don't get me wrong, the men I dated had their own set of issues too, but so did I. And now I understand what Relationship Coach Tony Gaskins meant when he said, "Heal before you deal". I was attracting and dealing with men with unhealed issues because I had unhealed issues.
Wisdom Nugget: You attract WHAT YOU ARE not what you want, deserve, or need.
I desired to be in a committed, loving relationship, but the bitterness and brokenness of my past relationships kept me in bondage. Until, I acknowledged, admitted, and accepted that, I kept going through the cycle. But last year, I said ENOUGH WAS ENOUGH. I was getting off that merry go around! I did the work to heal my heart and let go of the past. My heart is ready now for my Adam-my godly ordained husband. So no more causal dating for me. I am waiting on my King and I will be the godly wife and Queen he deserves and needs when he finds me.
So let's get into this Real Talk Thursday therapy session! I have shared my story, my cycle now it's time to help you get off your merry go round. When God allows you to go through the same issues He is trying to get your attention. Repeat external situations are indicators for internal evaluations. If you keep going through the same financial, relationship, job, or business problems, the common denominator in on those repeat situations is YOU!
When I stopped pointing fingers at the men I dated and got real with myself, I prayed and asked God to show me why I kept attracting those type of men. His answer was simple. He said the men I dated were my mirrors. They reflected back to me what was inside of me. Once I got this revelation it was a GAME CHANGER! Last year I didn't date or talk to anyone! 2017 was my year of inner healing and working on my business endeavors. Once I acknowledged I was damaged, I asked God to put me on the Potter's Wheel and reshape and mold me.
The first step in getting off the merry-go-round is acknowledging and taking responsibility for your part in the cycle. If you keep attracting toxic relationships, it's not them...it's YOU! If you cannot keep a job or always have problems at your job, it's not the people at your job...it's YOU. And I say this to not excuse their bad behavior towards you, but to highlight that YOU have a part to play in your repeat situations.
I use to have problems at all my jobs with my bosses. It seemed like none of my bosses liked me and there were all out to get me. That use to be my story, until I prayed and asked God what I could do to change the situation. He showed me in a dream that I had issues with respecting authority. After He revealed that to me, I asked Him to forgive me for the way I treated my bosses and to teach me how to respect them. Now some were harder to respect than others, but through consistent prayer my behavior towards them changed and their behavior towards me changed. I can testify, prayer really does change things!
The second step in getting off the merry-go-round is to do an internal evaluation on yourself. This step requires a lot of prayer, fasting, and solitude. During this step, I also recommend seeking professional Christian counseling or hiring a life relationship or life coach. Ask God to reveal to you why you keep going through the cycle. What thinking patterns, behaviors, and attitudes do you need to change. What issues do you need to get healed or get delivered from that have been deeply rooted in your heart, soul, mind and spirit. Get real with God and get real with yourself so you can make the necessary internal changes.
The last step in getting off the merry-go-round is doing your internal and external work! After identifying the changes you need to make, the next last step is actually making the changes! Change is hard. Breaking bad habits and thinking patterns takes time. But trust me you can do it. I did it through prayer, fasting, reading and studying the Word of God, writing, reading several self-help books, and watching every Iyanla Vanzant book, video and episode I could fine! Baby, I did my work and I got off that merry-go-round!
Today I pray that you have the courage to get off the merry-go-round. You have the power, through God, to stop repeating cycles. You have been around "that mountain" long enough! Stop spinning and get off the ride, it's time to walk a new path. I am praying for you!