I never thought in a millions years that I would be sharing my story of being molested. For years, I kept my feelings about it compartmentalized in the back of my mind. I didn’t talk about it, I didn’t think it, but it was always there. The other day on Instagram I read a quote that said, “You don’t have relationship problems. You have unresolved children problems that are disguising themselves as relationship problems.” –Raz Soos
Being molested and forced into engaging in sexual activity at a young age made me subconsciously believe that all men were sexual predators. This belief made me develop a Jezebel Spirit. According to http://www.jonasclark.com/sex-jezebel-spirit-and-the-spirit-of-whoredom/, “The Spirit of Jezebel uses seduction, sex, and soul ties to isolate, manipulate, and control. Jezebel’s whoredoms include fornication, adultery, and sexual sins of all kinds.” Needless to say, the Jezebel Spirit is not from God. It is an evil spirit straight from the pits of hell, but I took on the characteristics of this spirit as a defense mechanism. I took on the attitude that if all men wanted from me was sex, I would use sex as a way to dominate and control them.
Unfortunately, this demonic thought pattern caused me to form several ungodly soul ties and entangle myself in a web of deceit, manipulation, and sexual sin. Like my abuser, I became a predator. Unresolved wounds don't go away. They don't heal on their own. They fester. Our adults problems are normally rooted in our childhood pain. What we don't heal as children lingers in our souls and haunts us in our adulthood. The seed of sexual sin was planted in my molestation. Until I did the internal work and sought God for my healing and deliverance, the seed remained. But thank God for His power! Through my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, that demonic seed has been uprooted!
The Healing Journey
You cannot heal what you do not reveal. After 21 years of acting like it didn't happened, I broke my silence. I finally shared my dirty secret. The first person I told was one of my friends. We were on the phone talking about someone else we knew that got molested as a child and I just blurted it out to her. "I know how she feels, because I was molested too." Finally, I confessed it out loud. By acknowledging it happened, I could start my healing journey. My confession to her helped me talk it about with others. By verbally confessing it, I could begin internally healing.
People ask me all the time how do I cope with it. How did I overcome it? The answer is simple-PRAYER! Prayer is what really began my healing process. After the unraveling of the layers, I knew only God could heal me. So I laid my heart bare to Him and sought Him for my deliverance. Everyone's healing process is different. I don't think there is a formula to it or 12 step program for sexual abuse victims. Everyone deals with it in their own time and way, but I know prayer was and still is the key to my to freedom.
During one my prayer sessions with my spiritual mentor, the Holy Spirit prompted him to ask me if I had forgiven my abuser. At the time, I hadn't. Tears streamed down my eyes as he asked me this because I knew that I had to forgive him. I verbally confessed that day in prayer I forgave him, but it actually took me a couple weeks truly mean it. After that day, I had to dig deep into my feelings. Layers of fear, disgust, anger, and shame came to the surface. Before I could forgive him, I had to feel the raw of emotions of what happened. This part of the process was the hardest, but I got through it with prayer and the support of my mentor. He helped me and I realized that in order for me to truly move past it I had to forgive him. Eventually, I did. And to this day I have no hatred or bitterness in my heart towards him. I pray he seeks God for forgiveness and gets delivered from the spirit that caused him to molest me.
Molestation and any form of sexual abuse plants demonic seeds in the abused. The seeds planted in me was sexual perversion and the Jezebel spirit. Again, my spiritual mentor helped me during this process. The first part of this process began with me verbally renouncing all of my past and present sexual sins and asking God to forgive me for each act. I has had to renounce all of the sexual soul ties I had formed with past sexual partners. After I renounced them all, I asked the Holy Spirit to reveal to me each spirit that was secretly lying dormant in my spirit that needed to be casted out of me. Once He revealed them to me, I called those spirits out! They no longer were welcomed in my body, spirit, our soul. I wanted to be free and made whole. Demonic spirits and thought patterns have to be uprooted. Before I could deal address the fruits, which was the emotional after effects the sexual abuse caused, I had to first deal with the roots.
Today, through the grace of God, I am no longer a victim of sexual abuse. I am a victor through Christ Jesus. I overcame my molestation by blood of the Lamb and the word of my testimony. Next week I will conclude this series by giving spiritual tools for sexual abuse victims' family members and friends. A big part of any sexual abuse victim's healing process is the love, support, and patience from trusted family and friends.