Today I am wrapping up my three part series, "Overcoming My Molestation", by sharing some spiritual tips on how you can your help loved one dealing with the after math of being sexually abused.
#1-Don't Overreact. If your loved one confides in you that they have been molested or raped, DO NOT OVERREACT. I know hearing this type of information is upsetting and it is natural human reaction to get mad and want to seek revenge on the person that did it, but that is not the time for that. Cussing, yelling, and just acting a plum fool after they tell you that is not what they need in the moment. What they need is your compassion and support. Getting sexually abused is a traumatic experience and most sexual abuse victims don't like talking about it. So if they tell you it's because they trust you to handle it with sensitivity and keep it confidential. To sum this tip up, just listen. Let them tell their story and talk about their experience. Hold your reactions. There is a time and place for it, but at that time when they initially tell you, LISTEN. Be a supportive shoulder they can lean on.
#2-Don't Force Them To Share Information- Naturally, if someone tells you they have been raped or molested you want to know the 5 Ws: Who, What, When, Where, and Why. Totally understandable that you would want this information, but don't take it personal if all of it is not disclosed-initially. Every time a sexual abuse victim shares their story their story with someone they have to relive what happened to them. If they haven't healed from it completely or if they are at the beginning stages, they may not feel comfortable talking about everything that happened. Respect that and don't force them or badger them into revealing more information than they are willing to share. When you are too pushy for information, you can push them away. Give them time and also come to terms with the reality you may not ever get all the Ws answered.
#3-Prayer For Them-One of them greatest things you can do for a person that tells you they have been raped or molested is pray for them because they need it. Bombard heaven on their behalf and ask God to heal and deliver them. When you don't know what to say, PRAY! Even if you do know some comforting words to say still pray! Prayer works! Not everyone knows how to handle this information well. So if you are one who does not, pray for them and pray for yourself. And keep praying! PRAY PRAY PRAY! I can't empathize this point enough!
#4. It is not Your Fault-To every parent who is reading this post right now, on behalf of your child(ren), I want to tell their rape or molestation is not your fault. Even if you left the person with them it is not your fault that it happened, I know you feel as a parent it is your responsibility to protect your child from all hurt, harm, or danger, but you can't protect your child from everything. It is very important that you don't make their traumatic experience all about your perceived notion that you failed as a parent. Unlike God, we cannot be everywhere at all times. Bad things are going to happened to your child. And your child being raped or molested is real bad, but that doesn't make you a bad a parent. Don't let this revelation torment you. It hurts, but you and your child will get through it.
#Be patient-We already talked about not forcing this for information but I want to talk about this again. Everybody copes with their sexual abuse differently. What you think they should say or do, they may not. Be patient with them. Some sexual abuse victims choose to use drugs and alcohol to cope with their pain. Others use sex. They don't need you being overbearing, critical, and judgmental about their behavior. You can rebuke the behavior, but have compassion that they need deliverance from God to stop these behaviors. Your complaining, fussing, and judging will not make them stop. In some cases, it will make them rebel and do it even more. If they are engaging in bad behaviors to cope with it, PRAY FOR THEM. Remember prayer is the key that unlocks God to intervene.
#Take Responsibility- Someone reading this post right now needs to repent to God because your child or loved one told you they were being molested or raped and you told them they were lying. Not only did you tell they were lying, you berated them for telling you and you kept a close personal relationship with their abuser. Some of you knew they weren't lying and still chose to keep dealing with their abuse. God said REPENT! Repent to Him and your loved one. You are wrong and you need to own up that you knew and didn't try to stop it. God is not pleased and as I am typing this He is going to deal with YOU! I pray He has mercy on your soul. You know who you are and I am praying for you. I am not here to judge you or make you feel bad. I am here to bring you into a godly repentance. Your loved one needed you and you abandon them. You could have intervened but you didn't. The damage is done, but you can still make it right. Pray, repent, and go back to your loved one and apologize. Repair the breach.
#6-Educate yourself-To help you learn more about the spiritual, mental, and emotional affects of being raped, I am sharing this video by Apostle Matthew Stevenson. This video helped me as a sexual abuse victim and I think it will help you understand what you are loved one is going through. So please watch it and share below in the comments what you thought about it.